My kids, the 2 who went to public school, both had great kindergarten years. Our first year of schooling proved that my kids were well adjusted, thrived in a classroom setting, listened well, loved to socialize, and if anything were advanced, having all A's on their report cards. I had high hopes for them, figuring I had the world's smartest kids who would give me no trouble in school or with their studies. They were learning, and they were happy! First grade for my daughter was completely opposite. She came home daily with bad marks for not listening, for being disruptive, and her first report card showed very low marks. What the hell happened over the summer?! She wasn't coming home smiling anymore, rather scared that I would punish her, furthering the negativity that she was experiencing in class from her teacher... if you could call this woman a teacher. She would do her homework at night, completed class work, participated in all projects, but somehow her teacher still had nothing but unfortunate things to say about her as a student. It was during a parent/teacher conference I realized my daughter wasn't the problem. It was the teacher and her outlook on my daughter's individual, creative, playful, unique personality. In other words, the fact that she was a KID not easily conformed to silence and standards. We switched schools after that year to a local charter school new to our area. The first two years at the charter seemed to go well in terms of my kids being treated well and being loved by their teachers, however as they moved up in grade, their grades slowly went down. Nightly homework became uphill battles, reading logs went blank as they either refused to read, or trudged through the pages fighting back tears. Standardized tests were going incomplete as they tapped out from the overload of worksheets that they felt they would be told they failed on anyhow. At the time, I was disappointed, but now realize I don't blame them! No adult I know could sit through that with a smile on their face and determination in their heart, so why should I expect my kids to?!
The Common Core standards and teaching methods definitely squashed my kids' love of learning, created self doubt and frustration... for us all. We saw it coming on slowly, but didn't realize it until this past year when a very informed and knowledgeable friend opened my eyes to it all! If that wasn't enough, the unfortunate way my son was treated and labeled was a final straw. Public school was not created with the 'special ed' student in mind. Sure, they accommodate, they tweak rules, put special tools in place to help the child, or at least that's what they tell you in order to then place all blame of failure on the child and parent, claiming the school has done all it could. These children are then labeled, targeted, by other students, teachers, and even admins. My son is brilliant. Advanced, educationally ahead of the game when it comes to his grade level standards. However, due to the social stigma that he had been nailed with, it just didn't matter. Our last year of public school, my son's 3rd grade homeroom teacher was amazing. She was patient, understanding, loving. Unfortunately, she couldn't be by his side every minute of the day, those minutes when he was thrown to the wolves and eaten alive by the anxiety, torture, teasing, and scapegoating that he was subjected to. It interfered with his ability to apply his genius, to focus on lessons, and absorb the standards being forced upon him. To know that the very adults who were there to protect my son where in fact the worst violators of his safety and best interest just sickened me beyond belief, and I lost ALL trust in the public school system. This cannot be called education, this cannot be what is considered best when it's slowly grinding his self esteem, and his very self worth down to dust.
As for my daughter, a grade level ahead of her brother, the undeniable cruelty of young girls began to wave it's ugly head, and to a loving, accepting-of-everyone type of girl like her, it was nothing more than a confusing, crushing blow, not just a lesson to be learned. An almost overnight depression swept over her as girls were her BFFs one day, and whispering & snickering behind her back the next, just for the sheer satisfaction of control and popularity. She came home in tears, spent time alone at lunch and recess, was pushed aside or dismissed during group projects (which started reflecting in her grades on such assignments), and dreaded going back each morning.
I knew there had to be better options for my kids. No one is gonna protect them, advocate for them, or truly nurture their individuality like we can. The prospect of homeschooling, as well as unschooling, couldn't have come at a better time... I just wish it all could have happened sooner, before any damage had been done! Luckily, for our youngest, she will never have stepped foot in abrick & mortar school. She's getting the gift right from the start! My two older babies are still young enough, though, to have it all turn around and heal from the few short years of schooling, and truly enjoy the natural process of Life Learning.
Many who question homeschooling/unschooling ALWAYS ask "What about socializing?! They need to be around other kids!". If the emotional torment my baby girl was facing is the 'socializing' they are referring to that one can only get from being in school, than I'm happy to deny my children that 'opportunity'! We have found more positive relationships and friendships within our homeschool social group, my kids are lacking in NOTHING in terms of socializing. "But they need to learn to face the negative, not run from it!". REALLY?! As if the hours upon hours of testing, seat work, homework, and more testing wasn't enough, lets force them into socially crushing experiences, just to see what they do and how they handle it?! As if they aren't having a hard enough time dealing with their own growing and maturing bodies & minds, lets pit them against each other and see who is strongest, and hope that the weaker finds the positive in their loss to improve before intervention, counseling, depression, and (down the road) suicide sets in?! No thank you. I prefer to have them in a situation where they learn to see the positive, experience the positive from others, and grow to have self esteem, self worth, and are equipped to then correctly handle a bullying adversary, nipping it all before the onset of emotional and psychological damage, thank you very much.
This all was not a process that happened for us overnight. In fact, we are still in the midst of our transition. Deschooling has proven to be such an invaluable detox period, for them as well as us... to shift the paradigms necessary to view our education, as well as our lives, in a whole new perspective that we enjoy! As much as I wish I could say the kids had never experienced the negativity of public school, it's indeed what opened our eyes, sparked the fire that encouraged me to make changes, so in a small way, I'm grateful. Ya first need a storm, to see a rainbow! As a result, we are becoming closer, more positive, happier and learning the true value of family.
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