Almost Unschooling

I'm not always the best mom to my kids. I don't spend much time with them during most days. They aren't allowed to make many choices. They don't think for themselves, explore their own interests, nor do they have much control over themselves as their own person. I support others who point out their failures. I allow others to tell them how to think, what to think, and when to think it. I support them being conformed to standards that compare them to everyone else, rather than them being free to become unique individuals. I'm not always the best mom to my kids, but this has gone unrealized.
Now wait, before you judge me based on that list alone, please know this: I love my kids. More than anything (besides my husband). I would never accept someone tearing them down, muffling who they are on the inside, making them feel as if they aren't good enough, no matter how hard they try. Comparing their abilities, their worth to others their own age, labeling them based on their differences or struggles. I'm a die hard Walking Dead fan and love all things zombie, but I don't necessarily need my kiddos turned into mindless shells of human beings!  When all of this is happening to them, I'm not even present. Now read the above list again, and know that it's what many parents do just by sending their children to school. Public, institutionalized, brick and mortar school.
***PLEASE NOTE: In no way do I believe that parents who choose to send their kids to public school are less than good parents.  Hell,  up until two months ago,  that's what I was doing.  It's a very personal choice that only you can make.  This blog reflects OUR personal choices,  based on the type of parents we aim to be, and why it works for our family. In the process, if I can offer anyone any advice or they find any encouragement or solace in the fact that they are not alone in their search for a more natural educational experience for their child, then I've succeeded in my goals in writing.***

Waking early, rushing to eat, dress, groom, pack lunches, and run out the door. Half way to school, we remember forgotten homework, late morning snacks, and who knows what else they should have shoved in their backpacks. Disgruntled from my short (but stern) lecture on how they need to take more responsibility for themselves, remember their own schoolday necessities and get themselves up and ready in a more timely manner, they exit the truck with a negative outlook on their whole day, and the day has only just started. I drive home feeling accomplished for simply winning the race against the damn tardy bell, while dishing out a heaping dose of 'I told you so' parenting, as if it was better than saying nothing at all. I addressed it, I pointed out their wrong doings so they may learn from them. I'm a good mom.
At the end of the school day, I'm there to greet them after the bell sounds. They run out smiling, or slink out with tears. I hug and kiss them, or roll my eyes as I head in to speak with whichever teacher it is that wants to report to me... The drive home is full of laughter or silence, as I contemplate what our talk will be about when we get home, if the teacher's report warrants my actions on top of the consequence she had already brought down upon them. I'm a good mom.
For an hour or so, they struggle to fight back tears during homework. I hate to admit that even I don't understand some of these worksheets, nor the confusing as all hell Common Core teaching methods used to introduce the material. But hey, you guys should pay more attention in class to what/how the teachers do it, we wouldn't have this nightly problem...(in other words, "It's your fault.") We sit down to dinner, discuss expectations for tomorrow's school day, clean up, shower, and ready for bed. Following my repeated "No" answer to every request for more dessert, to stay up, to finish one last race on Wii Mario Kart, they slink into bed, and I dive into one last glass of red wine, because I need it to relax... these kids stress me out! Wait.... the wine is gone. Didn't I just buy this bottle?! Oh well. I'll get another bottle tomorrow, chances are I'll need it. I deserve to indulge... I'm a good mom.
I finally make it to bed myself. I breathe. I reflect. I'm a good mom........ right? The doubt sets in. Or maybe it's the wine. I reach for my phone, browse Facebook, search for a few Pinterest ideas on parenting (I have quite a lengthy parenting board that is full of nothing but good intentions), forget about the day. Just to start over again in the morning.
That was our typical day to day life, at least Monday thru Friday, while enrolled in our public charter school. Life was busy, hectic, and unorganized (due to my overboard attempts to gain organization). It was down right NO FUN. This is a typical family life with school age kids, right? If you have school aged kids, you're to expect hectic schedules, constant resistance to preparing many mornings, forgotten assignments, teacher meetings, homework battles... our parents did, why are we to be any different? This is life, this is normal. I didn't know how wrong I was.

I woke up. No, I'm not referring to the next morning. I mean mentally. My kids deserve better, our family deserves better. I'm not setting good examples to my kids when I myself am always rushed, unorganized, stressed, angry and then turn around and chastise them for being the exact same way. I'm proud of how unique my kids each are, how different and down right kick-ass they are in their abilities and remind them just how important it is to always be that way, but for 7-9 hrs a day, 5 days a week I send them somewhere to be conformed and judged. How bass-ackwards and borderline hypocritical is this?! But if they are not to be in school, then where? What other option is there?
I told myself that I could never homeschool. I don't have the patience nor the knowledge to be their deliverer of education. I'd go insane and I'd fail them. However the notion slowly ate it's way deep into my thoughts and it consumed much of my day. Research, reading, library books, blogs, talking to other homeschooling parents who had been in my place. More research. Light-bulb. I CAN homeschool. I CAN be their guide. I won't fail them, I'm their mother, we are their parents, what better teacher is there than that?! I'm GOING to homeschool. I'm going to allow my children to BE children, trust in their abilities to learn naturally from living their life with joy, happiness, guidance, and the freedom to be themselves, rather than the slow growing stress, anxiety, anger, and depression that they have encountered since Kindergarten. I want to give them this gift, they deserve it!

Now, we wake up when we are ready, happily greet each other in the morning, we even sometimes have breakfast together. We have nowhere to rush to, no pointless assignments to forget, no cold lunches to throw together. We now have meaningful family outings, social field trips with other amazing homeschooling families, more quality time to enjoy each other's company at home, playing video games, board games, baking & cooking, snuggling watching movies, creating art, reading! We find educational opportunities in much of what we do, without even trying. I'll admit, since leaving public school only 2 months ago, we are still in a much needed deschooling phase, but the benefits are already surfacing. I've always been a good mom to my kids,  but now I actually believe it.
We are almost detoxed from what we always knew to be learning. We are almost renewed with a new-found respect for each other, and as a family in whole. We are almost on our way to enjoying a more fulfilling and meaningful life together. We are almost unschooling!